"&hearts"

So, I am finding that within these last few days my guitar has become my best friend.
These times are trying but at least I am returning to my initial passion....music and writing.
Maybe I'll actually become fairly good at it someday and it can actually take off, eh?
I haven't been eating well this past month. I've dropped about ten pounds, but it doesn't show...and I don't feel better either.
Peace out my "followers" of which I have two, and neither of you read my blog...
^^

Free to ...Live?

Often in this vast, empty society we lose ourselves. Throughout every single day another small part of our nature slips deeper into the distance of our souls. Simple words we swore we'd never reuse become our everyday lingo. If this goes on without any meaning we will surely become just what we had feared. Slow down, live in purity and check out the view. Find your peace in the old songs we would sing. Stop truly dwelling on what could have or should have been. Start painting your new picture now. Let the old pieces go...God already has...
My words to you, don't let it go that far.


Zach and I broke up. I'd like to say I'm not broken, but I'd only force a lie. I'm confused...pained...way beyond measure. It's funny what we think we understand, and even funnier when we realize we know so very little.
I'm not in school...which freaked me out at first but I think I'm seeing God's true desire for me. I thought I really had given it all to Him, until he stripped it all away and made it clearer than clear that I was working for my own gratification. I'm in the process of getting an estimate per semester for Concordia in Ann Arbor. I've looked there so many times but gave up before I really started because of tuition. Guess I wasn't trusting God too much, eh? Double major in Family life social services and psychology, Minor in exercise science? I say, Yes! And I firmly believe God does as well. However, seeking his true will is the biggest mystery in my life.
I am so blessed to have people in my life to help me through this awkward time. Steve Adrien has been a huge help. We talk until about five in the morning every night.
Being myself, and myself alone ...through Christ is probably the best thing I've ever done. I've never gotten a chance to reestablish myself. I am so glad I have this opportunity.

So, if I am seeing a potential picture...Concordia in January, Haiti in May? However, I am not going to go try to plan anything without God this time. Thoroughly with Him is the only way. I thought I was doing things His way, truly I did...what a wake up call I received. DON'T WAIT FOR IT TO GET TO THAT POINT! I beg of you, surrender now.
Cartel, your poetry never fails me.
God grant me serenity.

True

They were the only ones to give the unconditional love.
It's funny how they're stuck on the other side of the planet with nothing clean to drink.
But they've got it all figured out.
We've got the comfort for now. but later...we're screwed. trust me.

Twenty years have broken you down and now you are of age.

I miss the days when my father would drive my family somewhere and I would sit in the back seat....with my CD player or Cassette player...staring out the window and watching anything and everything. Soaking it all in like the intense little sponge I was.
I hate the days that have consumed me. The few times I get the chance to be a passenger in a car I feel an obligation to watch the road. Every time I force myself to look to my right and watch the road fly by....I find my attention averting to the road ahead of me and flibbling traffic!
Grawr. I hate the obligation that came with age 16.
I hate the reasons to say put the past away.
Flobblethis.

Dreams, Be dreams.Dream on.

You know it's bad when you wonder if he wishes he could hold her instead.
Looking and longing. Shoot.
Today was a long day.
Amanda came to church with me this morning and was half dead. She looked like she needed to be in the hospital.
After that we went to the Bryde's house...
It took all of us forever to figure out to eat our "MRE"'s or more like ...cook them without burning our hands off ^^
They're pretty much disgusting. But way better than no food at all right?!
Anyway, not going to lie. I'm getting a bit on the nervous side. Erm.
I know it's the right thing. But this trip can confirm so many things for me. And THAT is what makes me nervous.
I feel things slipping right out of my hands....but at the same time I know I need to let them go.....
It's very...very unfortunate.
Shawn prefers not to grow up.......

Make the tags

Finding at this hour is a pure impossibility.
Loss is all that shall claim stake.
Sympathize with his needs.
Call it in.
Deny the fact that you and me are just breaking it in.
Stop sending me.
Whenever I'm done, it's never enough.
Keep pressing me on.
It's never enough.
Repetition that seems like a love should be less complicated.
You're never putting it back together.
We just keep breaking it in.
Don't bother to find it at this hour.
You cannot put it back together.
You will end in this warped state of chaos and mind.
Will anyone ever be able to reconstruct the patter of this mind?
Oh, please my beloved. Your lips are worthy of sweet kisses.
Scratch that. Take it funky. Leave them stunned.
Leave me someone else and let the thoughts flow.

You look at them with confusion

You think them to be purely crazy when you see their dreams.
You think them to be disgusting when you see their true desires.
Some do this to cover up their pain.
Some do this because they know they must over exaggerate their hopes because they know if they don't push themselves to the limit they will fail before reaching half their goal.
Don't tell me it's gross.
You don't know half the reason they reach for what they do.
Unfortunately I know.
just keep it locked.